Some years ago, I met a young man at a business networking event who had a convincing smile and invited me over to his apartment complex to hang out by the pool and chat about our businesses. It seemed an innocent enough invitation, so I accepted.
Once there, with beverages in hand, we began our conversation. Within the first 15 minutes or so, he told me straight up he wanted to have sex with me. Part of me was shocked, another part flattered, and then there was the part that wanted to burst out laughing. I looked at him for a moment and asked him, also straight up, why he would be interested in bedding a woman almost twice his age. He looked me straight in the eye and said – Power. I’m attracted to women with power.
I’m sure the statement was calculated to get me where he wanted to go, and he was not wrong in his assessment, but I believe I told him – 'I am not to had for the wanting, Sir.' [a line I stole from a movie] He was somewhat disappointed but not ready to give up.
Now, I could have succumbed or I could have huffed off to my vehicle but I realized he was not dangerous, just hoping to get lucky. I decided to ride the event out a bit to see where the conversation went and I’m glad I did, since it gave me the insight and material for this little story.
He obviously had a bit of a Mamma complex and did his best to think deeply, which was a challenge for him but at some point, he posed a question to me…
“How could a man ever understand the mind of a woman?” he queried. I thought for a moment and said, "I think understand may be the wrong word. Who can really understand the mind of any other? We rarely understand our own minds."
In relating to an Other, the trick is for me, to care about that Other to the point that I will observe and consider their moods, their habits, their strengths, and their weaknesses - always keeping in mind what they need; not just what I need.
Energy is a reciprocal thing. It is not a give and take. It is a give and receive. If only one person is giving, or either person is unwilling to receive, how can the relationship flourish?
There is much expressed these days on a man being able to stand in a woman’s storm without breaking; holding space for the enormous emotional power she possesses. In turn, a woman must bear with grace the silences a man needs to gather their thoughts and marshal their emotions, in order to be constructive and not destructive.
We are here to live with and learn from each other - not to compete for dominance. That has never worked and never will work if what we truly want is a relationship that nurtures and enhances each person. Why would I want to give myself to a man who has no interest in truly learning me? Why would a man want a woman who only wants him for what he can do for her?
Those days are over in the light of true relationship. This includes the relationship with oneself - first and foremost.
One cannot give what one does not have.